counter-offer to Germany

I hear that Germany wants to take over fiscal control of the Eurozone.

In other words, they will tell every country that owes it money,
to do this and sell that.

I say, okay, but on one condition:

They will have to put the screws to the big bankrupt banks. They will string
them along for 6 months, like they did to Greece, feeding them just enough
to stay alive. Meanwhile, they should check the banks' books and find a way
to pull the plug on them, one by one.
Germany will nationalise Douche-bank and Communizt, while France
nationalises Soc-drawer Generale and Big No Pay Paris-baise'.

You're going to benefit from this because you will have committed fraud, for
everybody's benefit. You will take out CDSs on all those banks and cash in.
But, if you move too quickly, the CDSs will not pay off because the guaranteeing
banks will also fold.
So, you get insurance, and then you kill the banks. Simple fraud. Everybody's doing it.

The bondholders will get no warning of their complete fleecing. It's our secret.

If you screw those banks then I'll know that you mean business, and you can
lead the Eurozone. Otherwise, you'll be holding an empty bag if you take
over while the currency is going over a cliff. The big push will come from the banks.

So, what will it be, Deutschland? Lead or be led?

Worried about out of work bankers? Esther Addley solves this
with her story on openings in Pirate consultancy:

@Guardian
Unhappy in your work? Find yourself sporting oversized gold earrings/exotic birdlife on your shoulder and speaking in a comically inauthentic West Country accent? You need the EUNAVFOR Operation Headquarters, or rather, they need you. For the EU's naval force (Somalia), we are excited to learn, seeks a "pirate cultural adviser". The successful candidate will offer "pirate cultural and religious advice" to the operation commander (OpCdr), and advise on "pirate culture, business model and modus operandi". Irritatingly, it seems they must also be "military or ex-military", thus ruling out a three-year-old we know who would otherwise be perfect for the role. We know piracy is a hugely serious crime, the scourge of the Indian Ocean, and no longer involving pieces of eight or any other number. But couldn't we come up with a new name for it that's a bit less, well, arrrrrrr?
.....
Pirates of the Futures Markets are just as handy on the high seas.