financial
banking
money laudering
fiscal cliff
Greece is broke
Greece is even more brok
Greece's haircut will kill us all
Greece's haircut means its debt goes up
Anyway, these crises are designed to make us numb to any and all
political problems. It used to be, in the good old days, politicians
would lull us to sleep with boring speeches about national pride and
the anthem, the Queen's governor general. Normal stuff.
Anyway, it takes a reformed broker to help us find new crises.
Read 'em: Reformed Broker
Manufacturing
the Next Crisis
Joshua M Brown
December 18th, 2012
Well,
it appears that after five weeks, lots of press conference theatrics and a
carton of Newport Lights, Obama and Boehner may be ready to make a deal.
Which
is fantastic - unless of course you're the Chief Page View Officer at the web
property of a mainstream media organization or a ratings-obsessed cable news
producer who's forgotten the nobler purpose of the Fourth Estate somewhere
along the way.
Already,
I can see that the lack of crisis is wearing on the machinery...every single
major media outlet picked up a non-story about Instagram today and breathlessly
reported it like the fucking Siege of Leningrad.
If
the Cliff bomb is diffused and the asteroid fails to hit earth this time,
you're going to need a brand new crisis to keep 'em clicking and tuning
in. Because I'm in the solutions
business, I've made a new crisis list just in case Europe
fails to implode and this Fiscal Cliff business ends up being resolved without
a 3000-point stock market sell-off.
For
your next crisis, I humbly suggest one of the following:
1.
Teenage Dividend Abuse
2.
Too Much Employment
3.
Hobbitgate
4.
The War on Jean Shorts
5.
Killer Bees
6.
Africanized Killer Bees
7.
Groupon Bailout
8.
The Blu-Ray Glut
9. Temple Run
10.
Snookflation
Anyway,
they're all yours and I'm sure you'll find a way to scare the shit out of
someone!
Happy
programming!
