F&&*k the Middle East, I'm talking about the financial sector.
I have a plan which will bring an end to this dance with death that we're all going through.
Allow me to tell you about an alternate universe, where common sense rules
The final solution will take the form of a reality show:
The Bankster Showdown
[sorry, it's the only way to attract all those short attention spans]
A panel of 5 bloggers will chair this meeting, which is binding on all partiesDAY 1: Announcement
The following parties will put down their toxic Weapons of Mass Financial Destruction,
and come to the bargaining table, with plenty o' good faith, and a chunk
of humility wedged between their butt cheeks:
the Goldman Sachspublican Army
the Provisional JPM (Morgan Army)
the Continuity Douche-bank (Deutschbank)
Shitn Feigning ill (HSBC)
The Real BoA (Bank of America)
UBS (Underhanded Bull Shit)
Bank of Ulster Scots Unionists (Scotland)
Credit Suisse Ordure d'Orange
The Big Banker Brothers will all be living together during this process, and the Panopticon will be put into effect. That's the all-seeing, moralising eye made famous by some dead guy. They will not know when they are under surveillance, but we'll all see them, all day, and hear every fart.
DAY 2:
Point of Order:
Judge: "Take all your toxic derivatives and place them on the floor, or out back.
We know they're all worthless. Just cough them up."
"Now, there's no more fake black holes to be stuffed with taxpayer money. Enough bullshit already. You don't know what to do with those WMFD anyway.
All evidence is to be flushed, burned, blown up, and/or pissed on.DAY 3
Enter the accountants:
There is to be a tally of the face value of all these derivatives, calculating percentages owned by each bank.
Then a calculation of the percentage of all public money given to each bank. Apportioning of the existing free money will be done accordingly.
Banks will either consider all payments to date as loans, or surrender shares of their bank to cover the loan. Government will have a seat on the board until each bank is solvent, or goes bankrupt. No more "free" money is to be given.
[how to close a bank in 30 seconds]
DAY 4
Final decision given in front of the panel. All banksters standing:
Judge: "Now, consider yourselves lucky.
Run, march, walk or crawl, but get the F%^&**k out of our sight!
You make us sick.
what's our names, bitches? Who's Simon Cowell, bitches?"
-Costick67 ~(8^P
